


I’m Trying

by Dumandinlove



Category: DreamSMP, Dreamwastaken, Minecraft (Video Game), Youtubeurs - Olivier Simard, gorgeNotFound
Genre: Abuse, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Character Death, Death, Eating Disorders, Fluff and Smut, Gay, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Intrusive Thoughts, LGBT, LGBTQIA+, M/M, MCYTober (Video Blogging RPF), Mental Health Issues, Nightmares, Past Drug Addiction, Rape/Non-con Elements, Sexual Content, Suicidal Thoughts, YouTube, dreamwastaken - Freeform, mentalhealth, selfharm, sexual activity, triggering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-13
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-17 15:01:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28726998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dumandinlove/pseuds/Dumandinlove
Summary: After Clay gets out of a toxic Relationship he meets George, a coffee shop worker, they develop a close friendship with deep admiration for the other. Eventually they’re relationship starts, unfortunately everything good must come to an end doesn’t it..?This book was started at 2:45 AM, January 1st, 2021. Finished 11:24 PM, February 10th, 2021.This story is discontinued and probably will not be picked up again. Feel free to write off of this.
Relationships: Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound/Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Dream/GeorgeNotFound, DreamWasTaken/GorgeNotFound
Comments: 5
Kudos: 45





	1. Chapter 1

Clay closed his eyes as He turned up the volume up on his phone to as far as it could be as 'I wonder if you wonder- Witt Lowery' played.

He couldn't stop the tears from flooding. As Unwelcomed as they were they still joined him and his thoughts, stinging his eyes with every time a droplet that fell.

He tried to suppress the sob as it continued to push against his throat throat. He couldn't stop it. The broken sob let out a miserable sound as it escaped his hold, tearing his throat open, he allowed the tears to flow freely in an astoundingly quick way. Throwing his hands up to cover his face and shaking against his own hold.

He lifted his head to grab the pillow under his head and let out a scream into it. His mind revolving around that one single person.

He balled by fist and thrusted them towards the pillow with another cry. But He just couldn't hit it. He was imagining the pillow being them and He couldn't hurt them even though how much they hurt him. He couldn't do it.

So instead of frustrating himself even more He pushed the pillow away from him. That didn't work either.

I can't fucking do this, it's a fucking PILLOW! MOVE IT!

He tried again but only to shake and wrap his arms around it.

What the fuck is that? You can't do shit. You can't even successfully move a pillow. Whats wrong with you?

He cried into the pillow. Shaking and letting out all the cries He hasn't been able to express in god knows how long.He gripped the pillow cover as tight as He possibly could. Trying to find some sort of comfort In the pillow. It didn't work so He just allowed himself to crumble with every voice Hes been taught to hide and silence screaming and scolding him.

You're worthless. How can you be so weak. So vulnerable. You can't do anything right can you? Look at how pathetic you look. No WONDER they left you. Look at how annoying you look. How weak. How idiotic. You deserved absolutely everything that happened to you. I can't even begin to believe how horrible you look. You'll never be enough. For anyone. I'll feel bad for anyone who has to put up with you. You should just end it now so that people don't have to put up with you later.

He could only hope that as his tears run dry the sleep he usually tried to stay away from will consume him soon.

Which eventually it did.

~time skip to morning~

Clay woke up with a corse voice and a terrible headache. He felt like he had a hangover without drinking anything, it was horrible.He was tired, he couldn't fall asleep until 4 am, atleast, he didn't know exactly. Whatever time it was waking up with soft Gray bags under his eyes wasn't very convenient and honestly quiet annoying.

He looked in the mirror and the thoughts came flooding in again.

What's wrong with you! Why do you look like that!

He hated his mind with the fact he couldn't control it. He got dressed as quick as he could, pulling on a pastel purple sweater and black ripped jeans. He went back to the bathroom, trying his best to not catch a glance of his reflection as he brushed his hair.

He grabbed his laptop, school backpack, and his regular bag that held his phone, wallet, and keys. Putting his playlist on shuffle and putting his earbuds in.

Put on his shoes and took no hesitation to drop his long board on the ground and skate down the side walk till he got to a random coffee shop.


	2. Chapter 2

One of the waiters came over to Clays table once he sat down. 

The waiter had a name tag reading 'Gorge He/Him' and an automatic smile on his lips. 

"Hello! My name is George, I use he/him pronouns, and I will be serving you today." The words flowing effortlessly and in the softest tone Clay has ever heard. 

It caused clay to stutter over his words. "I- I'm cl-clay! I use he/him." And let out a huff because how pretty the waiter was. The waiter had very obviously fluffy hair, big brown puppy dog eyes, he had a large pale hand with long slim fingers and the smile that could and has made anyone who saw it fall inlove. 

Gorge let out a soft chuckle which sounded like heaven, the laugh coming as smooth as silk, and hitting the highest note in the most perfect way. "It's nice to meet you Clay." Words coming out smoothly, Clay could never. 

"It- yeah- thank you- you as well!" Mentally facepalming with how awkward he must sound. "Can I just have a JavaMonster? Irish Blend please." Letting out a quick huff and out of habit fidgeting with the cuff of his sweater. 

"Of course! Ill bring it right out!" George said before turning around and going to the back of the shop. Clay could hear a light squeal from the back and a giggle but he couldn't really process it. To caught up in the school work to notice anything else. 

~time skip to about a week later~ 

Clay had become a normal customer, Returning every day to get the same thing. George had somewhat developed a friendship with him that was filled with giggles and quiet honesty revolved around Clay yelling at him from his table when gorge was in the back asking what the answer to a certain math question was. George always got it right. Clay was genuinely impressed with the boys math skills. 

Clay came in very VERY late today. Bags more visible and a sad aura as he plopped down at his table. George immediately going out and sitting next to him, yelling to one of the other workers "IM TAKING FIVE!" Then sitting next to Clay "Are you alright? What happened?" 

All Clay did in response was huff and hand George his phone which was turned on with a series of texts from someone with the name 'Devin' the text looking like this

You: Goodnight 

Devin: what the fuck do you want? 

You: I just said goodnight... 

Devin: was me letting you know I never loved you somehow NOT enough for you to realize I don't fucking love you? 

You: I'm sorry... 

Devin: What's your problem, Clay? 

You: I'm sorry, I won't do it again. 

Devin: No, you obviously want something so what's your problem? 

You: Nothing, I'm sorry. 

Devin: that's what I fucking thought. Devin: you'll never be enough for someone. Not for me, not for anyone else. You're nothing. I don't get why you haven't killed yourself yet. You have no reason to be here. No one wants you here you know. 

You: I know. I'm sorry. I'll leave you alone.

Devin: if you were really sorry you'd end it already. 

You: I'm sorry.   
Read 11:30 PM 

George's heart dropped as he read that, eyes watering and he reached out to grab Clays hand. Lacing their fingers and pinching his eyes closed. 

"I'm so sorry, Clay." He whispered and gave the phone back to him. 

Clay only replied with a heavy sigh and his voice being a low whisper. "I don't usually let him get to me.. or I try not to listen to him." 

George's heart dropped because he knew exactly what that meant. He tried.... 

George continued to hold the boys hand, lightly rolling up his sleeve. Stopping about halfway down his forearm. That was enough. 

There were burns, scars, and recent cuts covering almost every inch of Clay's skin. George couldn't keep looking at it. Quickly rolling back up clays sleeve and let his voice him dim to almost nothing. 

"I'm sorry... Im..." George began to speak but stopped when he say Clay shake his head. 

"It's fine, I'm fine. I promise." Mostly curling around himself but allowing the one limb to stay out of his circle. 

"My shift will be done soon... can you wait for me? I'll bring out the Java to wake you up." Clay nodded tiredly and gave gorges hand a gentle squeeze before he let go. 

"Okay.." there was some words spoken from the back counter and Clay almost fell asleep, well more of he was asleep. His body numbed and out of his control but his mind and senses peaked as thoughts ran through his mind. 

This continued for 30 more minutes until George's shift ended


	3. Chapter 3

Once George's shift ended he went back to Clay side, shaking the boy slightly, and whispered, putting his lips to the boys ear. "Clay,,, sweetheart, wake up." His voice a low whisper as he ran his fingers though clay's hair. 

Clay slowly came back to reality silencing the voices so he could listen to gorge call him sweetheart, it made his heart lunge in his chest and adrenaline course through his veins wanting nothing more than to here the boy say it again. 

Clay responded with a soft whine and slowly raised his head, then realizing Gorges fingers were laced through his hair. He tripped over his words once again as he tried to process his emotions "G-Geor- George?" 

George hummed in reply. "Wha..." he definitely wasn't complaining, he loved the way George long fingers ran through his hair smoothly, fingers slim enough to fit through the curls perfectly, he loved the way his palm flexed perfectly against the lower part of his neck, he loved how the touch made him practically melt, he loved his safe he felt, he loved how George hand lightly pulled and twisted strands of his hair. 

George didn't stop, curling his fingers through clays hair, "Would you like to go to my apartment? We can talk about what happened while we clean them." 

Clay nodded weakly, he didn't only do the wrist, there were marks on his hips and thighs to, he's probably going to have to do those alone. 

"Hey George?" He whispered George replied with the same tone, "Hm?" 

"Thank you," Clay hated how desperate he sounded, but he needed help, he needed to take care of himself more. "It means a lot." 

George smiled before scooting off of the seat, "you shouldn't be thanking me for basic human decency." Clay frowned because he's never experienced that, someone caring about him, someone loving him. It was strange and that was why he said thank you. 

George stood up and Clay followed him through the shop their fingers were laced together, gorge couldn't remember when that had happened but then again he wasn't going to complain about it. 

George lead clay to his car, grabbed his keys and unlocked the door, making sure that clay got in safely and that he had his seatbelt on, Clay was drained, very tired and the lack of blood in his system didn't help. He got a feeling of nausea wipe over him when he sat down to quick, letting out a low groan That made george wince.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry! I'll try to be more careful!" Before putting his hand against Clays forehead checking the temperature. "We'll be at my apartment in maybe five more minutes. Try to stay awake until we get there." Before closing the passenger door and running to his side, quickly getting in and starting the car and honestly he was quite a good driver, very impressive. 

They got to the Apartment just short of five minutes. Clay was zoning out of a spot on the dashboard. 

They didn't say anything George looked over once and a while not make sure clay was alright. 

He was very concerned for the boy, thoughts like 'How long has this Devin boy been treating him like that?' 'How deep were the other marks?' 'Is he comfortable with this?' He really wanted Clay to be safe but he didn't know exactly how he was going to do that. 

He went over to Clay's side and helped him out of the car wrapping his arm around clays waist. Clays breath hitched and eyes shut both from pain and the closeness of the boy. Gorge immediately moved his hands from his waist to his stomach area. 

"I'm sorry- I didn't mean to." George said in a breathy voice. 

"No no, it's okay.." They went into the building with Clay putting the majority of his weight on George for the much needed support. 

They eventually got to the apartment, George swiftly unlocking the door and pulling Clay through so he could lay down on the couch as he got the water running. "I'm going to start a shower for you, we'll get you cleaned off in there okay?" He asked the question quietly so that he didn't hurt clays ears, and for all you horny shits no, no there was no sexual desire behind those words. Get your mind out of the gutter. 

Clay whined softly, still unable to process what was happening but all he knew is that he didn't want to be alone, not right now atleast. George was making him feel less alone. He didn't want it to stop so when Gorge tried to pull away clay tighened his grip on gorges sleeve. "Don't leave... please?" Clay whimpered on his spot curled on the couch. His voice was low, very quiet like he was afraid of breaking something. 

George froze and looked down at Clay, his heart softening and he just couldn't leave him. 

George layer down and wrapped his arms around clay, holding him in his chest with a soft sigh and the same whisper, "I won't, I promise."


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one is so long! I didn’t want to separate them with the time skip because the first was just pure fluff and was only 400 smthn words.

Once George's shift ended he went back to Clay side, shaking the boy slightly, and whispered, putting his lips to the boys ear. "Clay,,, sweetheart, wake up." His voice a low whisper as he ran his fingers though clay's hair. 

Clay slowly came back to reality silencing the voices so he could listen to gorge call him sweetheart, it made his heart lunge in his chest and adrenaline course through his veins wanting nothing more than to here the boy say it again. 

Clay responded with a soft whine and slowly raised his head, then realizing Gorges fingers were laced through his hair. He tripped over his words once again as he tried to process his emotions "G-Geor- George?" 

George hummed in reply. "Wha..." he definitely wasn't complaining, he loved the way George long fingers ran through his hair smoothly, fingers slim enough to fit through the curls perfectly, he loved the way his palm flexed perfectly against the lower part of his neck, he loved how the touch made him practically melt, he loved his safe he felt, he loved how George hand lightly pulled and twisted strands of his hair. 

George didn't stop, curling his fingers through clays hair, "Would you like to go to my apartment? We can talk about what happened while we clean them." 

Clay nodded weakly, he didn't only do the wrist, there were marks on his hips and thighs to, he's probably going to have to do those alone. 

"Hey George?" He whispered George replied with the same tone, "Hm?" 

"Thank you," Clay hated how desperate he sounded, but he needed help, he needed to take care of himself more. "It means a lot." 

George smiled before scooting off of the seat, "you shouldn't be thanking me for basic human decency." Clay frowned because he's never experienced that, someone caring about him, someone loving him. It was strange and that was why he said thank you. 

George stood up and Clay followed him through the shop their fingers were laced together, gorge couldn't remember when that had happened but then again he wasn't going to complain about it. 

George lead clay to his car, grabbed his keys and unlocked the door, making sure that clay got in safely and that he had his seatbelt on, Clay was drained, very tired and the lack of blood in his system didn't help. He got a feeling of nausea wipe over him when he sat down to quick, letting out a low groan That made george wince.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry! I'll try to be more careful!" Before putting his hand against Clays forehead checking the temperature. "We'll be at my apartment in maybe five more minutes. Try to stay awake until we get there." Before closing the passenger door and running to his side, quickly getting in and starting the car and honestly he was quite a good driver, very impressive. 

They got to the Apartment just short of five minutes. Clay was zoning out of a spot on the dashboard. 

They didn't say anything George looked over once and a while not make sure clay was alright. 

He was very concerned for the boy, thoughts like 'How long has this Devin boy been treating him like that?' 'How deep were the other marks?' 'Is he comfortable with this?' He really wanted Clay to be safe but he didn't know exactly how he was going to do that. 

He went over to Clay's side and helped him out of the car wrapping his arm around clays waist. Clays breath hitched and eyes shut both from pain and the closeness of the boy. Gorge immediately moved his hands from his waist to his stomach area. 

"I'm sorry- I didn't mean to." George said in a breathy voice. 

"No no, it's okay.." They went into the building with Clay putting the majority of his weight on George for the much needed support. 

They eventually got to the apartment, George swiftly unlocking the door and pulling Clay through so he could lay down on the couch as he got the water running. "I'm going to start a shower for you, we'll get you cleaned off in there okay?" He asked the question quietly so that he didn't hurt clays ears, and for all you horny shits no, no there was no sexual desire behind those words. Get your mind out of the gutter. 

Clay whined softly, still unable to process what was happening but all he knew is that he didn't want to be alone, not right now atleast. George was making him feel less alone. He didn't want it to stop so when Gorge tried to pull away clay tighened his grip on gorges sleeve. "Don't leave... please?" Clay whimpered on his spot curled on the couch. His voice was low, very quiet like he was afraid of breaking something. 

George froze and looked down at Clay, his heart softening and he just couldn't leave him. 

George layer down and wrapped his arms around clay, holding him in his chest with a soft sigh and the same whisper, "I won't, I promise."

Chapter 4: Dream

The boys laid on the couch for a while, the both of them drifting off to sleep around the same time, George staying up maybe a half hour later so that he could make sure dream was actually asleep.

Maybe two hours into the rest dream started to get effected by a nightmare, his physical body bursting out into a cold sweat and waves of heat brushing over him and his breath hitched.

The heat woke up George because he felt like he was holding a ball of pure flame. Slowly waking up to notice Clays panicked state.

George automatically sat up so he could shave Clays shoulder, slightly panicked himself concerned for him.

"Clay? Clay are you okay?" George whimpered as he shook his shoulder.

Clays eyes watered and breath speed and hitched. That made gorge shake his shoulder a little more desperately, "CLAY!"That got his attention, Clays eyes fluttered open. They were still watery but that's better than usual, usually he's wake up screaming or having a panic attack.

Something about George presence made him melt, panicked eyes softening and staring at gorges, big and brown as his heart melted.

George softened as he watched Clays defenses crumble before him.

Of course George didn't want to ruin the moment but he had a strange pull to make sure that this was real, that he's wasn't dreaming, because the way Clays usually strong independent self turned so soft in a matter of seconds was so shocking, who could believe that.

"Clay..." George who was slightly on top of dream moved his hand from his shoulder to run though his hair, with a soft expression. "What happened?" Obviously referring to whatever nightmare George was having.

Clay just shook his head before leaning into the touch, his eyes guttering closed and breath evening.

George felt how fragile Clay was in his arms, he knew exactly what could break him even though they've only known each other for a week, even though they barely know each other George somehow knew.

He also knew what touches were going to have the opposite effect on clay, slowly rubbing his thumb over clays cheek while the rest of his hand crept behind his ear and ran through his hair.

Then slowly lowering himself so he was laying on clay a little, slowly drifting off once again.

~time skip~

The two woke back up around 10:00 PM, Clay waking up first but not moving from gorges arms. 

George slowly coming from his sleep had an automatic smile on his face as he felt clays warm breath against his neck. George slowly moved his hand from dreams shoulder to his chest, just then realizing his leg was hooked around Clays hip. Automatically going red. 

Dream adjusted his hands from gorges lower back to the bottom of his rib cage, fingers fluttering over the skin that made George's heart leap. 

Clay frowned slightly when he felt George pulling away from his touch. 

"Goodmorning." In a low hum that came out in a tired voice. 

George looked down at play with a questioning look "Goodmorning..?" An Obvious question he asked through eye contact. 'What's this?' 

However Clay decided to ignore it and go onto the next question, "How'd you sleep?" With a slightly smug expression. 

"Very good, How about you?" George mumbled after rolling his eyes. Of course Clay would ignore it. He should've known. Clay shrugged with a small smirk and his eyes flickering from George to gorges soft lips, slightly red and wet with drool, he probably slept with his mouth open. 

Clay giggled and sat up so that gorge plopped on the couch completely. "Can I take a shower now? I'm sorry I didn't take you up on your offer earlier, I was tired." 

Gorge smiled his stomach flipping mid-reaction. "Well of course." Sitting up himself so that him and Clay were at a perfect eyecontact. 

George brown eyes looking into Clays with a softening expression. 

Clays on the other hand were bright and restless as adrenaline coursed through his veins, however the soft look that gorge had made something click. Clay softened his voice dropping to a whisper. 

"Let's go.." Gorge snapping out of his love filled look and coming back to reality, immediately flushing a dark pink. 

"Uh yeah..." standing up and leading Clay to the bathroom, sitting him on the counter and starting the bath. 

Clay didn't want to take his eyes off of gorge. He didn't know why he just didn't. And so he didn't. His eyes were watching every moment, memorizing every dip and curve his eyes can catch. 

George got the tub filled up and looked back to clay. He figured the boy would want some reassurance that he's not going to rape him. 

"Do you want me to help? If not I can go outside and wait?" Voice low and soft. As he asked. Clay looked up from fiddling with his hoodie cuff. 

"Help please..?" 

Gorge nodded and went over to Clays side. "Arms up?" 

Clay doing as he was told and gorge rolling up the oversized sweater before tossing it to the ground and allowing his eyes to get a very quick brush over the newly exposed skin. 

Clay kind of curled into himself, shivering slightly from the cold. He got a stomachy feeling, his heart doing a leap and an unrecognizable feeling that made his stomach twist as he felt George eyes run over his skin. 

Just hope the man doesn't go for looks. However in George's mind was on a completely different path, clay was absolutely gorgeous in his eyes, the way his hips curve, the way his ribs stick out slightly. The man was perfect in his eyes. Just then George saw the scars and cuts, right above the waist band of his pants. His heart dropped and he was pulled back to reality. 

"You're beautiful.." george was absolutely taken away by how beautiful he was. He wouldn't lie about it either. It made clay flush red and cover his face with his hands with a soft noise, it sounded like a whine. Then stood up so he was almost pressed against him. The closeness making George's breath hitch and stumble back against the wall so they weren't so close. Clay was relaxed though, he didn't seem to have a worry when he unbuttoned the pants, then the zipper. "Help?" 

George nodded immediately trying to pull them down without pressing against his hips or thighs knowing that those would press against the marks. 

His breath hitched when he saw how many old scars there were, there were straight lines and some that looked like burns, in a circular shape, probably a cigarette, 'Did he put out cigarettes on his skin? Why? Or is that devins doing?' But he wasn't about to say that out loud, he looked over the thighs with a soft look, he wasn't even looking sexually, he was just concerned. 

So concerned for someone he barely knew. 

He didn't want anything bad to happen to Clay, he didn't know why or why he cared so much he just didn't, he didn't want to leave him alone or let anyone hurt him, the feeling hit him in the chest at full blast. Suddenly feeling like clay was a perfect replacement for air, something he didn't want,,, he couldn't live with out. Having that pull like Clay WAS his source of air, his source of life. He didn’t wanna live without him


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kinda short but take it while I write angst for the next chapters

George got dream fully cleaned, washing off the blood, and bandaging him up, now they’re in the kitchen, Dark paradise by Lana Del Ray playing. The lyrics hitting a little bit harder than they should have for clay. 

‘Loving you forever can't be wrong  
Even though you're not here, won't move on. That's how we played it  
And there's no remedy for memory, your face is like a melody.’ 

However watching George dance and sing along, twisting and twirling in the middle of the kitchen seemed to take away all of his fears. 

Clay realized he was staring once the song ended, immediately going red when George looked back to smile at him. 

They got to know each other a bit, Clay told George about Devin. About his Parents and every other aspect, it all seemed to get sadder and sadder. 

By the end George wanted to do anything to make Clays life better, that’s why they were cooking at the moment. George was trying to get clays mind off of it. 

Clay sat and watched until he heard the perfect place in the song to intervene and press up against George’s quickly catching along to the steps. Slipping his hand on his hips and the other lacing fingers with George’s. 

George gasped a bit from shock but immediately molded to the feeling of George against him. Soon George started to slowly sing along as they spun and twisted around the kitchen, both of them seeming to know the steps perfectly. 

“It won't leave my head  
Your soul is haunting me and telling me that everything is fine  
But I wish I was dead.” 

George’s voice was soft and smooth like newly filtered honey, like woven cotton, like smooth silk, or still wet Newly conditioned hair. His voice steadily holding an octave below the original pitch.

“Every time I close my eyes.... it’s like a dark paradise, no one compares to you, I’m scared that you won’t be waiting on the other side~” 

Those lyrics were felt with such passion and emotions that it was probably directed to someone. Who knows it might Be. Clay will never admit it but when he heard the passion in George’s voice he got a little spark or hope that he might feel the same. 

They continued to dance before the room filled with smoke and the fire alarm went off, blaring. Neither of them took notice of the smoke until just then. Both breaking apart and coughing. Clay going to move the food off the stove and George going to open a window and try to turn off the fine alarm. 

Clay continued coughing “Fuck!” Putting George’s hoodie over his nose and inhaling the smell of him. His clothes were currently in the washer and he hadn’t brought a spare so he had to wear a pair or George’s basket ball shorts and a hoodie. All of the hoodies seemed to be to big for either of them. It’s obvious George likes the oversized things.

Also it’s a good side note that when inhaling through the hoodie for a filter a heavy raspberry vanilla smell came through. It smelled like George. A perfect substitute for the smoke.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Authors note

So this plot isn’t exactly working out for me so I will be discontinuing this story, please feel free to continue writing, there’s no need for credit but it would be greatly appreciated, I’m so sorry it’s so short but I guess my brains not really good at letting me focus on something. 

Anyways all of my readers have a good day night year whatever, thank you all for reading, sorry for the let down once again but eh.


End file.
